Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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