Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
