Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
