Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize