seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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