East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
