if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
