Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
