i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
