dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
