I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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