why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
