I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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