Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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