god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
