you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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