Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
