I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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