I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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