I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
