she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
