she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
