So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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