I'm drive I can fine osifer
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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