So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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