Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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