god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so explain again why im purple
no
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
