I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
