And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
