:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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