walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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