Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
