Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
