I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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