the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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