Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
