oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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