Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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