you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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