oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
