the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
