I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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