wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
