bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
