Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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