if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
