mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
