would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
