Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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