we're chasing vodka with high fives
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
