Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
