his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize