And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
