9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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