Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
