i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
