my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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