i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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