1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
