My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
