did you get engaged???
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize