You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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