doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
