like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
