If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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