jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
