Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
