Christians are straight up FREAKS
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
